What If?
by A Sin for Jason
Summary: What if James had survived? Thanks for support! Chars are James and Harry, other canons and MAYBE an oc or two.


Harry yawned and stretched and looked over at the clock.

9:32 in the AM.

And a smirk as he smelled breakfast cooking downstairs. The young boy pushed back the covers and hopped out of bed, snagging a sweatshirt and sliding long legs into a pair of jeans and as he left his room he ran fingers through an all-too-unruly mop of raven hair. He bounced downstairs and into the kitchen only to find his dad, James, sitting at the breakfast nook staring idly out the window as a pan full of eggs and another of potatoes sat on the stove waiting patiently.

Harry walked past the food (difficult task indeed!) and headed over to James. A lean over with a one-armed hug...and a quiet, "Ya shouldn't leave food like that alone, Dad. Could be an invite for scourgy scavengers to steal it."

James jumped a bit when Harry's arm wrapped around him, but after a quick moment of recognition, a small smile flitted across the man's lips and he poked his son in the stomach. "Then that scavenger would have to fight off my MORE than hungry young son. For it has been my experience that one named Harry James Potter has been known to clean out a skillet half that size. Amazing boy, really."

They both laughed and James waved over towards the stove. "It's ready, Harry. Go ahead and help yourself."

Harry watched his father for the longest time and a small sigh escaped him as he did as he was told. He went over to the stove and picked up the plate beside it on the counter and loaded it up with the food. Every so often a glance thrown sideways at James.

"Did you eat?" the boy asked softly.

James looked over and smiled. "Yes I did. Earlier, sleepyhead. Some of us don't mind waking up at a decent hour. You're more like your mothe -- " And he froze. Awkward moment. And without finishing it, he turned his gaze back down to the cup of tea in front of him.

Harry inwardly flinched at the half-mention of his mum. But he knew his dad was lying, too. The pain was still there. And it always would be. That night...the screams...the evil wizard...Lily pushing herself in front of Harry to block the killing curse...she fell with the most horrible shriek...then a blinding flash of light in the 1 year old's eyes...and the scar that would forever mark him. It would make him famous. James knew this. But he also knew...he'd forever be alone. Like Harry.

Harry sighed softly and once the plate was full, he walked over to the nook and slid in across from James. Picking at the food...quite unlike the Harry his father knew, James watched the boy for a while and forced a small smile back onto his lips. "I'm...sorry, Harry. I...know it's silly of me to...dwell on the past. Lily would surely have chastised me for it. You be certain of that. Eat...and we'll go to the zoo today, hm?" And the cup was lifted for a sip.

Harry was chewing a forkful of eggs as his father spoke. And when he swallowed and his father was done...he said softly, "Dad,is alright. Y'know...missing mum and all. I didn't know her that well...but I...sometimes at night...I dream about her."

James looked over at his son and smiled. A bit more genuine this time. One of the special ones, that kid was. Harry was there when James didn't even know what he, himself, had needed after the murder of his wife. But he knew the future of his 1 year old son depended entirely on him.

That had been 10 years ago.

Harry was approaching his 11th birthday. And James had had a party set up...cake and streamers...noisemakers...the works. Of course there would only be the two of them. It always was. James was highly protective of Harry. For good reason. But also James knew that the boy's time was coming. And when that letter arrived...which he knew would in the morning.

The older wizard sighed again and finished off his tea, standing and taking the cup to the sink and setting it down. "So..." he said without turning around. "What is it that a young man such as yourself would be wanting for his 11th birthday?"

Harry blinked as he chewed on a bite of fried potatoes. And thought. "Dunno..." was the only thing he could manage around another forkful of eggs. James had to laugh softly, but when he looked out the window over the sink...her garden was there. The garden she used for the herbs...and across the yard...the roses she loved.

James closed his eyes to shut out the hurt. But that never worked.

Harry watched him for a moment and finally said, "Maybe a ride on a UFO would be grand. Yanno? Maybe even being a pirate on the channel. How 'bout we go and pillage th' Isle?"

James could see her. Brushing past the Parsley and Rosemary. Across the smallish back yard to the rosebushes. He used to love watching her trim them down and gather the roses for the house. It always smelled of ...her...and the roses. And when she'd come in with rosy cheeks from being in the cold far too long...carrying half a dozen flowers...complaining that because of the sudden cold snap her beloved flowers were all but dyin--

Pause.

Control, Jamesy.

And a quietly distracted, "S-sure, Harry. If that's what you want to do. We can do it..."

Harry sighed and set the fork down. He slowly shimmied out of the booth and slowly walked over to the old man. Standing there looking up at him, the boy realized just how pale and fragile James looked. All the while growing up, Harry had never noticed. But then he'd never bothered to pay attention to the soft sobs coming from his father's room late at night.

And last night the boy had heard them.

As if for the first...well it _was_ the first time...he'd heard them. And the boy lay in his bed and stared at the ceiling.

They were rich.

Richer than they ever could want.

Which was what James didn't understand. All his life he had seen that money can buy anything. Can get people to like you that you wouldn't spend the breath on otherwise. But it was the one thing...that didn't get him Lily.

And it was the one thing...that couldn't bring her back.

The man was tired. He loved his son beyond limits...and would have died to protect him as well. But that night...he'd gone to meet with some friends. Sirius...Remus...and Peter. And when they were all talking, word spread like fire through the tavern that there had been an attack on Lily and Harry Potter. Three of them raced back to the house. Pettigrew was nowhere to be found.

The devastation...the loss. All of it lay before their eyes. But rather than dead...they found the baby alive. And when the Auror had handed Harry to his father, James cradled his son tightly and kissed the baby all over vowing never to leave him again...and to never let anyone harm him.

So far he'd done just that. But James also knew...Harry's time...would soon be his own to manage. And as his head dropped, he leaned heavier against the counter and couldn't help the tears as they escaped and rolled down his face. His left hand raised to wipe them away and pinch his eyes together as faking a headache...but Harry knew.

"She'll never come back..." came the soft tenor of the 10 year old. "You and I both know that. As much as we want her...as much as we need her...we can only live with the fact that she's watching over us. She may not BE here...but she's here, Dad." And a small hand was laid on James' back. "You know that...dontcha? I see her sometimes. Late at night. And she tells me things will be all right...I don't r'member her much...but I know it's her."

James was about to lose it entirely. And he turned and wrapped his arms around Harry tight and held the boy close against him...kissing that dark hair. "I'm...s-sorry, Harry," was all he could mumble out.

Harry wrapped his arms around his father and hugged him back. burying his face in his dad's wool sweater. "She said she's watching us..._**us**_and she...smells like...roses. And something else...can't quite...place it."

James turned and broke off a sprig of Rosemary from the small window garden and held it for Harry to sniff. And one whiff and the boy's eyes lit up and he nodded emphatically. "That's it!"

James laughed softly and hugged his son again...but this time more for the love he held for the boy rather than the support needed a few minutes ago. He finally backed off and a playful swat to Harry's backside. "Go grab your coat, young man...I hear all sorts of animals calling to us." And with a war whoop, Harry dashed off to the closet to get his and James' coats.

LATER that night...the zoo all day and pizza and arcade games afterwards...

The pair made their way back home, and as James turned off the car's engine, he looked over at Harry who had fallen sound asleep in his seat. A chuckle from the man and he got out of the car and walked around, lifting his son and carrying him to the house and upstairs. Nothing but a quiet mumble from the kid as James changed Harry into his pajamas and tucked the boy in and sat on the edge of the bed for a long time.

"Some day, Harry James Potter..." he said softly. A lean over and a kiss to his forehead, making sure the covers were well under the boy's chin, and the man stood and walked to the end of the boy's bed, watching him still. "Lily...he's the most wonderful thing on this planet. He's all I live for any more. But sometimes..."

Like a soft breeze...against his cheek. And as he turned and saw a shadow beside him...and smelled the faintest hint of Roses...and Rosemary...


End file.
